Lore of Warcraft: Chapter 3 – Golbin Starting Area

Lore of Warcraft: Chapter 3 – Golbin Starting Area

Every race in World of Warcraft that begins at level 1 has their own, unique starting areas. These areas usually only cover levels 1-5, but some races are locked into starting areas that last up to level 15 or so.

This post covers the storyline of the starting area of Goblins.

I hope you enjoy it. Remember, if you like what I write, you can always support my Patreon.

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Kezan & The Lost Isles – Goblin Starting Area

All the events in this area occur around the start of the Cataclysm expansion.

The Goblins of the Isle of Kezan have spent most of their lives in relative peace. Some did once side with the Orcs during the Second War (which occurred during Warcraft II), but now, ruled over by affluent but corrupt Trade Princes, these cunning engineers spend most of their time trading, inventing, and generally enjoying the technological paradise that is their island home. Unfortunately, something’s happening to the elements themselves (spoiler: it’s the Cataclysm) that threatens even their technology, and soon this famously neutral race will be forced to choose a side.

But apparently this has little to do with you, because there’s no line about “it’s up to Goblins like you” or anything.

Part 1 – Kezan

Your executive assistant, Sassy Hardwrench, tells you they’re having some trouble down at the Kaja’mine. The mine produces kaja’mite, which is used to make Kaja’Cola – which in turn is going to make you a fortune.

(Kaja’mite, a potent intellectual stimulant, is the secret behind the Goblins‘ success. Once enslaved by Zandalari Trolls to mine the kaja’mite, the Goblins inhaled the dust and fumes in the mines, which transformed them into geniuses. They were able to rebel, and most Zandalari fled, leaving Kezan to the Goblins.)

That fortune is going to get you promoted to Trade Princess (Or Trade Prince, if you’re a boy Goblin. All my characters are girls, and it makes minor differences in this storyline. I’ll point them out as we come to them) but all of this is only possible if the mine starts production again. You’re sent to offer Foreman Dampwick an “incentive” to make sure that happens.

(If you chat to Sally after this, she congratulates you on your promotion and mentions you’re hoping to replace Trade Prince Gallywix. As far as I know, Goblins are the only race where it’s canon that your character hates and wanted to replace your own leader.)

The incentive is a bomb, but only a very small one. Damwick tells you the mines have been infested by tunnelling worms, which are eating the kaja’mite, and that the Troll slaves are being difficult. (Oh yes, not all of the Zandalari got away, and one of the first things the Goblins did once they gained their freedom was enslave the Trolls who remain right back. You’d think this would lead to a certain amount of conflict between the Goblins and the Zandalari in Battle for Azeroth, but apparently nah.) You sort out the worms and the trolls, and then Dampwick lets slip Sassy‘s planning a surprise party for you later that day, and asks you to deliver the Kaja’Cola for the party to her.

Sassy tells you that Megs Dreadshredder from marketing is looking for you, and Megs gives you a car. Not just any car, it’s your “new company hot rod”, and you’re gonna take it to go pick up your friends for the party. (I love this thing. It plays music, and hoots, and has a super speed mode, and you can drive over people with it, and you can drive off a cliff with it and not get fall damage, and you never see it again after this, not even as a toy, and that sucks.) You pick up Izzy and Ace (Goblins) and Gobber (a Hobgoblin) all the while showing off your sweet, sweet ride. (The whole idea is to get your name out there so that you can become the next Trade Princess.)

Coach Crosscheck needs you to come play footbomb for your local team, the Bilgewater Buccaneers, against the Steamwheedle Sharks, and footbomb star would be great for your image, so you’ve gotta go. Sassy Hardwrench tells you some of your debtors are giving trouble and suggests you go sort them out, as it’ll send a message. Meanwhile, Chip Endale (or Candy Cane) your boyfriend (or girlfriend) loves you and all, but really thinks you need a new outfit for the party. He (or she) sends you to the bank to get a stack of macaroons – you’re gonna need it.

Coach Crosscheck tells you the footbomb game is already in play, and you need to collect replacement parts for the shredders. (Yes, footbomb involves big robot-type-things called shredders) You beat up some deadbeats which takes you into an area called Drudgetown which may or may not leave you more than a little horrified by the sort of pollution the Goblins create, and then you head to the bank. You get to jump the queue on account of being so important (you can also run over them with the hot rod if you like) and the FBoK (First Bank of Kezan) Bank Teller, who says there’s a lot of excitement about your party, mentions Swindle Street as a good place for clothes shopping.

(Throughout this area, you occasionally hear Trade Prince Gallywix, who keeps shouting about how great and rich and powerful he is.)

You get your outfit, then stop off to save the big game with a ‘modified’ shredder (cheating is a time-honoured Goblin tradition) but as you score the winning goal, freaking Deathwing flies overhead,  screaming something about the end of the world. Crosscheck is pleased about the game and all, but he’s also a little bit distracted on account of the great big giant dragon of death that he’s pretty sure just did something to Mount Kajaro. Anyway, you better let Sassy know.

Chip (or Candy) is super pleased with your outfit and with the prospect of never having to work again because once you’re rich you’ll buy them whatever they want. Sassy is concerned about Deathwing, but you do have a party to go to and, you know, she’s sure it’ll be fine. You get dressed up (in, it must be said, a totally banging outfit) and Chip (or Candy) thinks you look great and that you should go entertain your guests.

Everything’s going well until Southsea Pirates crash your party. You make short work of them, but they’re just the start of your problems. Trade Prince Gallywix is waiting upstairs and he wants to speak to you. It turns out you’re his protoge (gasp!) and he sent the pirates (that rat bastard!) and Mount Kajaro is exploding (that damn dragon!) and if you want to live you’re going to have to pay Gallywix a bazillion macroons for a spot on his yacht. (Oh, because that amount of money is just something you have lying around??)

Well, Sassy points out you might have that kind of money lying around, but it’s all in the bank, which has been closed down. You’re gonna have to break it out. Megs reckons you can do with all the money you can get, so she suggests you also liberate some looters of their ill-gotten gains. Slinky Sharpshiv has a better plan: steal from the rich. Namely, steal from Gallywix, who has plenty of priceless crap (Maldy’s falcon, which used to belong to Trade Prince Maldy, the Goblin Lisa, which is a painting of Gallywix‘s mother, and, most valuable of all, The Ultimate Bomb, which seems to be something Gallywix and Hobart are working on) at his Villa. All you’ll have to do is use a disguise that makes you look like one of his henchmen, and you’ll be able to waltz right in. Finally, Foreman Dampwick suggests you grab all the kaja’mite chunks you can carry.

Unfortunately, even after all that, you still don’t have enough. Sassy suggests some good old-fashioned insurance fraud. You blow up your headquarters, and after a visit from a Claims Adjuster, you finally have the cash to buy you (and, hopefully, your entire staff) a spot on Gallywix’s yacht.

But you’ve been double-crossed!

Gallywix takes your money and enslaves you and your entire crew. (Except for Chip Endale and Candy Cane, who not only work for Gallywix now, but have left you and are dating each other.)

And that’s the end of the first part of the Goblin starting area. By now you should be around level 5.

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Part 2 – The Lost Isles

You get a cinematic of Gallywix‘s yacht sailing away from an exploding, volcanic Kezan. After some time, the yacht sails into the middle of a sea battle between the Alliance and the Horde. The Alliance spot the Goblin vessel and decide it “doesn’t matter” who you are, they’re gonna destroy you. While Goblin slaves like you scream, begging not to be abandoned, other Goblins go ahead and abandon you and the ship, taking escape pods. There are a lot of explosions.

You’re out cold, lying on a raft in the sea, just off the cost of the Lost Isles. Doc Zapnozzle wakes you up, and Geargrinder Gizmo tells you how all about how you got there, and that you need to help rescue the other Goblins, who are still in escape pods. (These would be the same Goblins who took the escape pods while pointedly ignoring the screams of you and the other slaves as you begged for your life, but OK.) And, would you believe it, the very first Goblin you rescue is Gallywix. (Who seems for a moment like he’s going to be nice, but once you get to shore, tells you that he still intends to have his revenge for your attempts to replace him as leader.)

You swim to shore, where you find the remains of the shipwreck. It seems like your entire crew survived, and Sassy Hardwrench is super glad to see you, but local monkeys have stolen some of your tools and bombs, and you need to get them back. Maxx Avalanche tells you the monkeys also stole the Teraptor Matriarch’s eggs, which are hatching, and you need to kill some teraptor hatchlings as a result. Bamm Megabomb has a plan to sort out the  now bomb-throwing monkeys – all you have to do is feed them nitro-potassium bananas. (This shoots them into the air. It’s very entertaining, if a bit of an environmentalist’s nightmare.)

Turns out there’s a cave full of kaja’mite right close by, but they’re having trouble mining anything from it due to even more monkeys (these ones wielding picks) and Sassy sends you to report to Foreman Dampwick. Dampwick tells you not only are these monkeys mining the ore themselves, (the kaja’mite must be having an effect, making them more intelligent) but they’ve killed any Goblin miners he’s sent in. He asks you to guard his last miner as they try to do their work, and, while you’re about it, get some photographs of the strange paintings and the altar that seems to be in the cave.

You assist the miner (who mentions he worked as an accountant for you for years, and wonders if you even know his name – you don’t) and grab photos of the paintings (at least one seems to depict a volcano exploding) and the altar (guarded by a Pygmy Witchdoctor) where you find a dead Orc scout. The scout has a field journal that confirms what you, the player, should already know: your boat sunk because it got caught in a sea battle between the Alliance and the Horde. The Horde ship was called Draka’s Fury, and it was carrying a special cargo. The journal also mentions Aggra and Kilag.

Dampwick claims the mine in the name of the Bilgewater Cartel, and you take the pictures and journal back to Sassy, who suggests naming the Pygmies, a new race you’ve never come across before, after you. (Thankfully, you don’t do that, so they’re not called Dibblerinaians after all.) Sassy suggests you find Aggra and take her the field journal.

(All this time, Gallywix has been lounging on top of what’s left of the shipwreck, shouting even more about how great he is and how he’s going to save everyone. These shouts have recently changed to attacks on you, who he seems to want the other Goblins to blame for everything that’s gone wrong. Most would assume that a volcano exploding was the result of an act of nature, but Gallywix wants to blame someone. This is interesting, because in Christie Golden‘s recent novel, Before the Storm, we discover Gallywix was probably responsible for the volcano exploding. Like most politicians, you can tell what Gallywix is guilty of by paying attention to the accusations he makes against other people.)

Aggra (who, if you didn’t know, is Thrall‘s girlfriend at this point) seems tense. She tells you her party need to find the ‘precious cargo’ that’s been lost, and suggests you work together as you have a common enemy: The Alliance. She wants you to meet up with Kilag Gorefang, who shows you the giant, murderous plants that are blocking the Horde party’s way. Lucky for him, you have a Weed Whacker on your Goblin All-In-1-der Belt which you’ve apparently had on this whole time.

You whack some weeds, then report back to Aggra to let her know the way is clear and Kilag & co are moving forward. Aggra‘s impressed, and sends you back to Kilag, (possibly Aggra and Kilag just keep sending you back and forth because you’re a Goblin and you stink and they’re determined to make you each other’s problem) so you find Kilag who sends you back to Aggra gets you to use the Goblin goggles you apparently had on you all this time to see and kill the Alliance‘s SI:7 Assassins who are lurking about. When you’re done Kilag says “we’ll make an Orc of you yet”, which is weird and impossible and a little racist, especially considering the fact that it’s your Goblin belt and Goblin goggles that have recently helped save the day, but whatever.

Kilag‘s sends you to report to Scout Brax (maybe he figures this one won’t just send you right back like Aggra keeps doing) and he even lets you ride Bastia, his pet panther, all the way there. (I’m sure it’s because he’s nice and not because he’s that keen to get rid of you as fast as possible.) Brax tells you that the Alliance have stolen the precious cargo, and he wants you to run into the middle of a small army, kill Alliance soldiers until one of them drops some keys, use those keys to get into a Gyrochoppa, fly the Gyrochoppa to the Vengeance Wake, the Alliance‘s ship, and get back that cargo.

I mean. He’s not asking much. Just that you put your entire life on the line and go on a dangerous, near impossible mission all to sort out something that’s not even remotely your responsibility, but OK. I’m sure Brax isn’t trying to get rid of your once and for all or anything.

You do what he asks, and after single-handedly fighting your way through who knows how many Alliance soliders, you find the cargo.

It’s Thrall.

Now, Thrall might be so infamously non-violent lately, he not only stepped down as Warchief, he elected the most warmongering Orc he could think of, Garrosh Hellscream, in his place, all because that’s how much the Orcs have been complaining about how much of a pacifist Thrall‘s become, but even he has limits, and being held a prisoner by the Alliance yet again turns out to be one of them. He tells you to meet him on the ship’s deck, where he uses his Shamanistic powers the way they’re supposed to be used: by kicking the crap out of the Alliance. For a short time, you’re a literal cyclone of elemental power as Thrall uses your help to wipe out screaming and helpless Alliance soldiers before he and you meet up with Aggra, Kilag, and the rest. Thrall tells you your destinies are forever intertwined, but that he has a lot to do, what with the Cataclysm and all, and will see you later.

Having literally single-handedly saved Thrall and, indirectly, the world, you head over to Sassy Hardwrench, who shows you the rocket sling Foreman Dampwick has built to get you all over to the main island. Gallywix shouts and screams and threatens you a bit, and then he runs off. (This all happens in front of Thrall Thrall is rescued, not by his own Horde party, but by the one single Goblin that is you, and then he sees Gallywix treat you like this. Remember, because it’s important later) You get on the rocket sling, (which, uh, seems perfectly safe) and away you go.

Once you’ve survived your trip, you meet up with Foreman Dampwick, who points you to the plunger for the Town-In-A-Box. You push down the plunger and get blown up into the air. (Just get used to this getting blown up into the air thing now.) When you land on the earth again, it’s in the middle of a little Goblin town. Damwick mentions the dock and the oil refinery have been stolen from the town, and wonders where Gallywix is, but also Hobart Grapplehammer needs to speak with you. Hobart has been put on food duty, but he’s far too brilliant to waste his time with that, so he gives you fireworks to attach to chickens. If you’re confused, don’t be. Apparently, he can use a remote control to fire the chickens into a cage once they’ve been launched.

Bamm Mechabomb doesn’t want to eat chicken eggs, he wants raptor eggs. Guess who gets to go collect some.

Hobart Grapplehammer will show that Bamm Mechabomb who’s boss, (and apparently it’s not you, even though you’re doing all the work) by getting you (surprise, surprise) to get the biggest egg ever from a mechachicken with rocket launchers strapped to it which is, to my eternal disappointment, not tameable.

Anyway. All of the eggs are rotten, (you’d think someone would have noticed before now) so you’re going to get shark meat instead. There’s a giant shark called The Hammer hanging out nearby, so you collect a bunch of shart parts from smaller sharks and bring them to Assistant Greely, who uses them to create the Mechashark X-Stream, which you use to kill The Hammer.

It’s actually not clear if you get meat from The Hammer or they just wanted him dead because a shark that big and dangerous was a threat. Either way, Megs Dreadshredder needs your help with some Naga, so you need to go find her.

The Naga are preparing to invade, because of course they are. They’ve already killed a bunch of Goblin scouts. So you’re gonna go on the offensive. You replace their banners with your own, and, since you’ll be killing them anyway, collect their hides, which are super valuable, for Brett “Coins” McQuid. A good Goblin never wastes. Next, you use an irresistible pool pony to collect Naga children.

Sometimes, even I’m surprised by the things I write here.

The Naga hatchlings are adorable and the pool pony is the best thing and this whole quest would be great if it weren’t for the creepy, awful, kidnapping children in order to blackmail their parents thing.

You take the Naga hatchlings to the Naga leader in order to, you know, help with negotiations. On your way, you can’t help but notice the tentacles and, sure enough, the Naga are being led by a Faceless of the Deep, (who actually states he doesn’t care about them) a minion of the Old Gods (though the Goblins don’t know that.) You kill it and report back to Megs, who tells you her intel was wrong. The Naga weren’t planning to attack at all. So I guess all that murder and kidnapping was for nothing.

Oops.

It’s the local Pygmy tribe, the Oomlots, who are attacking, and you need to get back to Town-In-A-Box in a hurry because they’re attacking right now. (How does someone confuse Pygmies with Naga? I thought Goblins were supposed to be intelligent?) You help slow the invasion, but the Pygmies have already kidnapped some of your people and you need to get them back. You meet up with Izzy, who tells you the Oomlots are doing something weird to the captives. You kill Yngwie, the Oomlot leader, and are able to rescue some of your people, but others have been turned into zombies. Izzy realises the Pygmies are planning something horrible near the volcano. (This would be the same volcano depicted in those cave paintings you found earlier – so yes, it’s probably going to explode) Sassy needs to be warned, and you’re off home again. Sassy sends you ahead to Coach Crosscheck, who’s launching a counter-offensive.

Crosscheck gives you some Super Booster Rocket Boots to incinerate the zombies with,  and Foreman Dampwick suggests you stop the flow of new zombies by taking out the Pygmy witchdoctors, Gaahl, Malmo, and Teloch. You’ll have to kill them personally though, the rocket boots won’t work on them. Assistant Greely mentions the Pygmies have a powerful explosive called Rockin’ Powers and suggests you pick some up. (You can ask her why the rocket boots only work on zombies, but she’s so excited someone’s asked how things work, she forgets to answer your question.)

Now that’s sorted, Greely loads the boots with rocket power, which gives you the ability to get to Hobart Grapplehammer really quickly.

Grapplehammer tells you about Volcanoth the ‘turtle god’ the local pygmies worship, (it’s just a great big fire turtle) and wants you to collect fire glands from Volcanoth’s children. He converts your boots into a weapon, loads it with the glands, and sends you off to kill Volcanoth. (Yet another cool looking beast you can’t tame.) Thanks to balancing issues which I assume happened around the item level squish, this will take ages, but once you’re done it looks like the volcano is ready to explode. Luckily, Sassy Hardwrench is around to fly you away.

She takes you to Warchief’s Lookout, where you meet up with Thrall again. Thrall tells you that things are looking bad (and they are, the island you’re standing on is exploding, fire and lava everywhere) and that the Alliance have shown up again and you need to kill a bunch of them. Aggra tells you about how the Alliance murdered a bunch of Orcs in cold blood. She’s angry, so you’re going to kill some Alliance leaders (Commander Arrington, Darkblade Cyn, and Alexi Silenthowl) and bring her their heads. Sassy Hardwrench tells you Thrall has asked you Goblins do something about the mines that the Alliance have lined the beach with. She gets you to detonate them.

No one explains why any of this is your job.

But, by this point, you’re pretty sick of the Alliance yourself, especially their Gnomes, so Sassy gets you to get in the Pride of Kezan, a small aircraft, and shoot their Gnomeregan Stealth Fighters down.

Thrall tells you where your friends are being held captive (not the ones who were getting turned into zombies by the Pygmies, there are other captive friends, ones who’ve been kidnapped by Gallywix) and promises to help you with the Trade Prince. You take another ride on Bastia, this time to a cave entrance, where Slinky Sharpshiv is waiting. She tells you Gallywix has a bunch of your friends enslaved inside, so of course you’re off to save them. You find Assistant Greely inside, but she seems dazed and confused, so you grab her a can of Kaja’Cola Zero-On (half the calories, twice the ideas). The cola works, and she tells you to free the other Goblins the same way. She also tells you about the warlock running the place, Blastshadow the Brutemaster. You need to take him out, (and his succubus, Delicia Windsnaps) but make sure you destroy his soulstone as well – warlocks can resurrect otherwise. Then you escape before the volcano causes the place to cave in.

Once by the beach, Greely tells you Gallywix has the Steamwheedle Sharks working for him, and you have to sort them out. Coach Crosscheck reckons you’re going to need to go up against Gallywix yourself. It’d be easier if you had an ultimate footbomb uniform, so he asks you to collect shredder parts. While he works on the uniform, Greely suggests you stop Gallywix’s oil supply by interfering with his oil refinery, (now you know who stole that from Town-In-A-Box) and Izzy sends you to kill Chip Endale.

Uh, yeah. You remember Chip Endale. If you’re a girl, he was your character’s boyfriend, but he broke up with you to date Candy Cane and work for Gallywix, and you rip out his heart. If you’re a boy, he stole your girlfriend, Candy Cane, and you just kill him. Either way, your response is kinda harsh, but, to be fair, it has been a rough day.

The footbomb uniform is ready, and you take it to meet with Sassy, who’s waiting by the slave pits. While Hobart Grapplehammer works on making the uniform the most Ultimate Footbomb Uniform Ever, you’re sent to kill Candy Cane, who acts incredibly fast because Chip literally just died and she’s already dating Gallywix instead.

If you’re a girl, Candy stole your boyfriend, and you just kill her. If you’re a boy, she left you for Chip, and you rip out her heart. So either way, you get to rip out someone’s heart. Yay for gender equality I guess?

You also liberate some enslaved Goblins. Well, you rocket them into the air, which is close enough by Goblin standards.

The Ultimate Footbomb Uniform is finally ready, and you get to deal with Trade Prince Gallywix. Balancing issues strike again and it takes ages, but, with Thrall‘s help, you finally defeat him, and the unscrupulous, greedy, criminal-minded Goblin who enslaved his own people finally faces justice for the ridiculous amount of crimes he’s committed offers Thrall an insincere apology, is immediately forgiven, and officially made the faction leader of all Horde Goblins.

Yes. Despite everything you’ve done, and everything Gallywix has done, Thrall goes ahead and decides to make Gallywix Trade Prince. Because he said sorry one time.

Seriously. Thrall‘s decision making, especially when it comes to choosing leaders, is the worst. The worst.

For some reason, Sassy‘s really happy. Thrall is all “Lok’tar, friend!” like he didn’t just ruin your entire life by making a slave-driving criminal who wants nothing more than to get personal revenge on you your new leader. The Bilgewater Cartel is going to officially be part of the Horde, bla bla bla. You set sail for Orgrimmar. Thrall wants you to deliver something to the Darkspear Loyalist who meets you at Bladefist Bay, who pulls a bloody SI:7 Emblem out of the package, reads the accompanying note, then tells you to take the Emblem to Saurfang.

Saurfang welcomes you, points you to your old friend Gobber the Hobgoblin, who’ll act as your personal bank from this moment on, (it’s a Goblin racial) and, well, now you’re in the Horde.

(And here’s some horrifying trivia for you: Hobgoblins only live up to three years. So if you’ve been playing a Goblin since the start of Cataclysm like I have, ‘Gobber‘ has been replaced up to three times already. Like a goldfish.)

And that’s the end of the Goblin starting area.

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Lok’tar ogar, and Zandalar Forever x

Special thanks to:

Lindsey Steyn

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